Things will get better..

Well there's a sentence I so haven't heard before. I try and convince myself they will but every time I do, hey something else shit just happened. This year has possibly been one of the shittest for me, arguments, losses, sadness.. Sometimes I feel like I just cannot win :/ I do honestly thank all the people that have been there for me, from the bottom of my heart thankyou. I thank my boyfriend so much for being there for me through thick and thin. It's those things in my life that i've found myself clinging onto more than ever, before my world crumbles entirely.

The only way I can express this is through words, I'm alone right now.. I have nothing but my computer to vent my emotions onto at this time.

The world is collapsing on me and I can't take it anymore, death has caused me more pain than anything else and even then my problems seem to pile up. Endless tears flow as my angry fist punches walls out of frustration. This pain is something I can't seem to handle, I find myself wanting to resort to past methods to calm myself. I'm desperately fighting myself to hold back urges, my body doesn't need this, but I do. Constant stirring and bitching has left me in a mess and I've only really got 2 friends I can confide in, I hardly even trust myself anymore. There's nothing left to fill the gap thats now opened, I feel lonely all the time. I've split into two people and I can't control my actions anymore, I'm so confused.

I'm just a jealous guy..

Jealousy.. I hate the feeling of jealousy. The anger and sadness builds up inside your body like a never ending balloon, you want to let it go, but if you do you know you're gonna be in a state afterwards. Jealousy is a feeling most people don't like to admit to because they don't want to let on how upset they really are over another person; we all really know that jealousy effects everyone, especially girls. If a girl has a boyfriend or 'likes' someone, they will become jealous of almost every girl that shows them a bit of attention, may it be good friends, just friends or ex girlfriends. Once a girl suspects anything, she will become an undercover agent and spy on your conversations with this girl, your relationship with eachother and whether anything could spark between those two people again.

Then comes the comparing.. If jealous, a girl will automatically compare herself to them, whether it be looks, personality or just how they are overall. 99.9% of the time, the girl will feel bad about herself, and see her as not as good as the other girl, it will also make the girl feel very violent and have fantasies of smashing her face in ;)

But I think all the girls who get jealous should know, they are better than the friends and ex's, there's a reason why they're an ex or just a friend right? So don't be getting yourselves down. :)

'Cause you're my true love.

I understand that you bloggers may be getting annoyed with the blogs about Luke but I haven't written a blog in ages. :D

It's our half a year anniversary tomorrow :) I would just like to say, I love you so much and you probably know that. I'm sorry for when I get angry and upset, I'm trying to stop for you because this is ridiculous I know, I'm also very sorry about how jealous I get. I'm a rather violent person, I get that, so thankyou for putting up with me for these past 6 months :) You're perfect to me, we never usually get mad at eachother which is good isn't it? You just make me feel amazing :) words can't explain how happy I am when I'm with you, we spent most of these easter holidays together and it was the best two weeks :D Just seeing you can brighten my day, and the amount of cuddles I got over the holidays.. Oh my :') I just basically want to say, you're my world. I love you more than anything and I know I do, it's not just a silly teenage relationship, I want this to work :D I'd do anything for you Luke Harris, so please be mine forever?

Btw if any of you feel sickened by this or think it's stupid. You can suck my dick.

20 things about me.

I'm pretty damn bored so I'm gonna go head and tell you 20 things about me:

1. 
   
   I have a genuine fear of being alone


2. 
   
   I'm a very jealous person


3. 
   
   I believe in love at any age and that anyone can fall in love quickly


4. 
   
   I love old music


5. 
   
   I aspire to be a photographer


6. 
   
   I wear clothes I want to wear and I don't go along with fashion


7. 
   
   I want there to be peace in the world


8. 
   
   I don't like the dark


9. 
   
   My favourite band are The Beatles


10. 
    
    I hate having enemies


11. 
    
    I'm scared of death


12. 
    
    I cry abnormal amounts


13. 
    
    I don't like my body


14. 
    
    I miss my boyfriend always about 10 minutes after leaving him


15. 
    
    The only thing I want in life is to be in love


16. 
    
    I sometimes lay in bed and talk to my grandad in the hope that he can hear me


17. 
    
    I'm not happy about scars on my body and I wish they weren't there


18. 
    
    I honestly do find my boyfriend perfect


19. I wish I lived in the 60's


20. I look up to Marilyn Monroe

Blegh.

At the moment I feel like giving up. School is tiring, exams are getting closer and closer and I'm just drained. I'm looking at my school work and thinking 'WTF', everytime I think I've grasped something, I come back to it later and I've completely forgotten, my life is lagging and I just want everything to be over with. I'm finding things to look forward to at the end of the day but as life progresses my options are getting smaller and smaller, I don't look forward to going home anymore, sitting alone in a room for the rest of the day until I go to bed. I guess the ultimate thing I'm looking forward to is summer, just being free and not worrying about school or exams.

These pills are fucking up my emotions, I'm so sensitive I can find myself crying for no reason, starting up arguments and punching walls. I may be happy most the time but behind that is an angry vicious bitch waiting to be aggrivated.

I can't stand annoying people, people with high-pitched voices that feel the need to shout when a person is sitting next to them, people who throw food to get it in the bin and just chuck it everywhere and are too lazy to pick it up, people who purposely annoy you and fucking twats that don't give a shit about others. Grow some balls, get over yourself and stop being a prick because no one cares about selfish losers.

Celebrations!

So it's Lukey bears birthday today, we celebrated it by going out for a lovely meal then I spent some time with him, he just makes me so happy, I love it.

It was his party on Saturday aswell, despite us being late by 2 hours, it was still MEGA fun. Dancing like a boob, staying up basically all night, making a fort out of duvets and pillows like cool kids and making cookies the next day :) It's a relationship like this that i've dreamed about :3

My bear :')

So I was thinking.. I need another blog, haven't written one in a while. So I'm gonna go ahead and write another one about Luke because to be honest, he's the only thing that matters the most to me at the moment.

Every moment with him is just so amazing, I love being around him I really do :') Like on the day before valentines day, he came to my house to give me presents (which I LOVED) and dealt with me being heavily ill with massive red lips and a blocked nose :L He always makes sure I'm alright even if I'm slightly down, and he's always there for me if I need a boyfriend, a friend or just someone to listen. It's great to have someone like that in your life just so you feel safe, at the end of the day they'll always be there, whatever the problem is. Not matter how tough our problems are Luke I'm sure we can get through them, because it's you + me forever ;) <3

Killing in the name of..

Gosh.. A lot of shit has gone down with me in my life time I tell ya; however, it's looking up. I've got a great family, the coolest friends and a perfect boyfriend, on the education sides of things I'm doing alright. To be honest, the only thing holding me back is confidence, and lack of revising & knowledge ya know ;)

Okay.. So a while ago I was thinking about how much EXTREMELY vain people annoy me. I mean, the odd photo album or few photos are fine but if you put a new album on facebook for every lot of identical photos you take, it's just too far. I mean, who are you trying to impress? No one's going to bother going through ALL your photos saying how much they like them in all seriousness. Another one that makes me laugh is the "I'm so fat" line, I mean fair enough if you think it but if you do, don't take a picture of yourself with your top up because it just proves you don't really think that. Well I think that's my rant over now, I only wrote a blog because I was angry ;)

You are a radar detector

So.. Blogger, it has been a while my old friend.

Since I wrote last, my life has been.. Let's just say eventful. It has been full of drama, stress, sadness and happiness. But it's getting better now, the drama is easing, the stress is gone because of no more exams for a while, sadness is going because the drama is going and finally, happiness is coming but I have amazing people around me, especially Luke. :)

I love you Luke Harris, I cannot believe how quick these 3 months have gone, but I wouldn't change a thing :) xx

Falling, yes I am falling.

So, I'm stressed out because of my biology exam being so close & my history D: ah well.. Music, love and photos are really helping me out at the moment..

I'm a great lover of the beatles as you all know, their songs are inspirational to me and they are the most sensational band I know, they made a music revolution.

"Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns, it calls me on and on, across the universe. Jai guru deva om."

The second thing is my amazing boyfriend, Luke. He always knows how to cheer me up and the right things to say. I love you gorgeous.

And lastly, photography. One of my biggest passions, photos among other things also inspire me. I actually quite take interest in just picking up a photography book and reading it, I love them.