A rambling on post

The bad aspects of my life,

I always look on my life as boring and the 'same old routine' day in day out, I need more thrill in my life, to go out and do something i've never done before. Yeah, I have a beautiful niece, great friends and a lovely boyfriend but I want that little bit extra all the time, I always try to make people happy. I have recently been trying to get this boy who is depressed to help his problem, believe it or not, it's over a girl, which is a silly reason to give yourself mental health issues over.

I always consider myself fat or ugly, I dont know what it is about me, I just hate myself for everything I do. I blame myself for everything that happens, whether it be friends or family, I often blame myself for when my sister used to rage at my dad..

That's what hurt me the most in my life, the way my sister and dad had huge arguements ALL the time, I used to get it, I was only young. Having to deal with the fear that when my sister walked out the house or ran away, she may never come back. Waiting around for a teenage drunk to sway her way up the stairs and into your bedroom to occupy the spare bed covered in her sweet wrappers and coke cans. Dealing with the sound of your mum sobbing every night because she's had enough, my parents often walking out the house, my brother frantically trying to calm everyone down, especially me. I confided in my brother when I was sad because of the carnage downstairs, he would hug me and tell me it'll all be over soon, my family are still left with memories of the bad tempered teenager, swinging her fists in every direction, and maybe more extreme. She would flip at the click of your fingers, over the smallest things, you had to tread on eggshells to keep her happy, and so my family dealt with it until she moved out..

Now thats off my chest i'm feeling a bit better. :)