Hello old friend...

Hello blog, it has been a while. I felt like anger has built up inside me so it's time for me to express it, starting with A levels, at my school you don't seem to get appreciated for all that extra work you put in, when you could be slacking like all the other 'I can do jack shit and get amazing grades' bastards. The other thing is page 3 models, wow you turned into a model at the age of 18? That's probably because you got a boob job at 16 and just whipped them out. Once you're perceived in that way, no man will ever appreciate you, they will NOT think you're beautiful, NO ONE will think you're intelligent, you're just an object, a piece of meat. By all means show your whorish anorexic, fake body off, but don't slam it all in my face. Have fun with the rest of your lives being looked at in no other way than a has been that was in a pornographic magazine a few times.

Results

Woah. No post since before I started sixth form and now here I am with my AS results about to start year 13. Scary stuff. I can't say I'm disappointed with my results but I expected a bit more from myself given that I put in so much effort. I can't help but think tired with everything, that I'm tired with no one considering for one second how I'm feeling about something, I do my best to never seem selfish to my friends but in return I get walked all over..

Back again ;)

Well hello there old friend, haven't been on here in a while.

2012 eh? New year, new me and all that, yeah right. Everyone says that every year then at the end they just complain about having a shit year again, me included. Hopefully now though, sixth form will make my school life easier, seeing as though I don't have to juggle revision for about 7 subjects. In sixth form I decided to only do 3 subjects which I guess makes it even easier, but to be honest, I still get behind. I tell you, it's hard to learn psychology when your teachers breath smells like coffee and excrement mixed together. Blegh. Ending compulsory school was quite sad in some ways though, losing contact with all your old friends, there is so many of my old friends I haven't seen once since prom or awards evening. Ah well, it was an adventure guys, thank you for every last minute of it.

Things will get better..

Well there's a sentence I so haven't heard before. I try and convince myself they will but every time I do, hey something else shit just happened. This year has possibly been one of the shittest for me, arguments, losses, sadness.. Sometimes I feel like I just cannot win :/ I do honestly thank all the people that have been there for me, from the bottom of my heart thankyou. I thank my boyfriend so much for being there for me through thick and thin. It's those things in my life that i've found myself clinging onto more than ever, before my world crumbles entirely.

The only way I can express this is through words, I'm alone right now.. I have nothing but my computer to vent my emotions onto at this time.

The world is collapsing on me and I can't take it anymore, death has caused me more pain than anything else and even then my problems seem to pile up. Endless tears flow as my angry fist punches walls out of frustration. This pain is something I can't seem to handle, I find myself wanting to resort to past methods to calm myself. I'm desperately fighting myself to hold back urges, my body doesn't need this, but I do. Constant stirring and bitching has left me in a mess and I've only really got 2 friends I can confide in, I hardly even trust myself anymore. There's nothing left to fill the gap thats now opened, I feel lonely all the time. I've split into two people and I can't control my actions anymore, I'm so confused.

I'm just a jealous guy..

Jealousy.. I hate the feeling of jealousy. The anger and sadness builds up inside your body like a never ending balloon, you want to let it go, but if you do you know you're gonna be in a state afterwards. Jealousy is a feeling most people don't like to admit to because they don't want to let on how upset they really are over another person; we all really know that jealousy effects everyone, especially girls. If a girl has a boyfriend or 'likes' someone, they will become jealous of almost every girl that shows them a bit of attention, may it be good friends, just friends or ex girlfriends. Once a girl suspects anything, she will become an undercover agent and spy on your conversations with this girl, your relationship with eachother and whether anything could spark between those two people again.

Then comes the comparing.. If jealous, a girl will automatically compare herself to them, whether it be looks, personality or just how they are overall. 99.9% of the time, the girl will feel bad about herself, and see her as not as good as the other girl, it will also make the girl feel very violent and have fantasies of smashing her face in ;)

But I think all the girls who get jealous should know, they are better than the friends and ex's, there's a reason why they're an ex or just a friend right? So don't be getting yourselves down. :)

'Cause you're my true love.

I understand that you bloggers may be getting annoyed with the blogs about Luke but I haven't written a blog in ages. :D

It's our half a year anniversary tomorrow :) I would just like to say, I love you so much and you probably know that. I'm sorry for when I get angry and upset, I'm trying to stop for you because this is ridiculous I know, I'm also very sorry about how jealous I get. I'm a rather violent person, I get that, so thankyou for putting up with me for these past 6 months :) You're perfect to me, we never usually get mad at eachother which is good isn't it? You just make me feel amazing :) words can't explain how happy I am when I'm with you, we spent most of these easter holidays together and it was the best two weeks :D Just seeing you can brighten my day, and the amount of cuddles I got over the holidays.. Oh my :') I just basically want to say, you're my world. I love you more than anything and I know I do, it's not just a silly teenage relationship, I want this to work :D I'd do anything for you Luke Harris, so please be mine forever?

Btw if any of you feel sickened by this or think it's stupid. You can suck my dick.